Friends

In an effort to force myself to relax I placed a lemon on my belly while lying on the bed and let it go up and down, up and down, up and down, more and more slowly.

During a day of training at Scienceworks Museum I visited the Sportsworks exhibit, which featured a machine measuring the speed at which yellow balls were pitched. I substituted a lemon and managed 49km/h - fast enough to break the fruit against the wall.

So stressed was I by depending on other people to arrange finances for my home-loan that I lowered myself to the floor, squealing like some other species. Usefully, there was a large lemon within reach - I stuffed it into my mouth as if it were a mute, and I a trumpet.

Sarah filled a plastic bag with lemon juice, before dinner, then pierced the bag over my ear. I'm not sure how loudly I squealed as everything was muted. I thought about my brain. Later, I could hear very clearly, as if the world had been amplified.

At a South Melbourne fish-and-chip shop Julien poured vinegar over a slice of lemon, saying: "I wonder how this tastes." Answer? Exactly like an oyster, so we did it several times. In fact we repeated it the following evening, at dinner, inviting our guests to suck. Why pay more?